McCareins Blows Another Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty	Please, Santa, no more coal A James Gurney original

This is the worst time of year for a sports fan in New York. None of our local teams are really cutting it.  What we really need are some wondrous gifts from Santa!  So, Santa, with all due respect, here’s a little rundown of where we are and what I’d like:

Football is winding down, and although the G-Men are still technically in the hunt, we know they’ll fold in the playoffs; how could they not fold with their running backs and receivers?  Five drops from Brandon Jacobs and about eight or nine overall were key to their pitiful performance at home vs. the Skins Sunday.  The usually reliable Amani Toomer dropped a sure touchdown pass right in his hands.  Plexiglass missed a couple too.  It's amazing that Eli has the heart to step onto the field at all.  And Shockey's lost for the season. 

The Giants could use a nice receiver, Santa.  Somebody who could run a proper route.  Somebody who could get open.  Somebody with hands.  Eli's completion percentage would be ten or twenty points higher if there were anyone who could catch.  Even Plax can't really catch.  Not if you throw it right to him.  Amani is getting a little long in the tooth too.  These new guys are really not the answer, Sinorice doesn't seem to have a clue, when he's not hurt.  Oh, and Santa, a nice coach who wasn't frowning all the time would make the game a more pleasant experience, don't you think?  As I seem to be asking for too much here, I’d be pleased as punch with a nice possession receiver.

The Jets, too, were awful.  Yes, the Patriots only scored 20 against them.  And yes, they beat the spread.  But they did it in hurricane conditions so it doesn't really count.  Kellen Clemens is hurt so we get to see Chad Pennington until Clemens gets better (from his injury, he may never really get better).  Hooray for Chad.  He's the glue that holds this team together, I understand.  Actually, the Jets already traded away the glue that held this team together.  That would be the left guard. 

The Jets need an offensive line, Santa.  Of course, they had one before their genius GM Mike Tanenbaum traded Pete Kendall away.  So, please, Santa, a left guard at least.  Thank you.  Oh, and if you can't get us that, a nice wide receiver would do very nicely.  Someone with speed, power, and HANDS.  Oh, and if you could provide a guy who didn't fumble after the catch, that would be nice too.  If you can't provide ANY of the aforementioned, I'd settle for a new offensive coordinator.  Anybody named Schottenheimer makes me very nervous.

In basketball, we have the Knicks and the Nets, of course.  Both teams are racing off to the worst seasons they've had in years.  We are supposed to get excited about the likes of the Knicks Eddie Curry (again) and Josh Boone for the Nets.  I mean, really, I'm happy the new fellow is doing well, but what happened to Jason Kidd?  What happened to Vince Carter?  Is Nenad Krstic's return truly going to be the solution there? 

What if, to our wondering eyes should appear, a presence in the middle for the Knicks ?  Imagine if we had someone at least raising their hands in the air when some opposing player was driving the lane?  I'd also be very happy with a real, live point guard.  Jamal Crawford is really a shooting guard, I don't know anymore what Stephon is supposed to be.  I don't think he knows.  So, Santa, if you wouldn’t mind, if I can only have one gift, I’ll take a center.

The Nets could use a presence in the middle too, even if Nenad should return shortly.  Jason Collins just never seems to really fill the bill.  But I'd be happy with another shooter, or scorer, somebody to take the heat off Carter.  Jefferson can't be the guy all the time.  And he's not.  And, come to think of it, this new fellow, Sean Williams, and the other fellow, Josh Boone, will have to do for now.  What I really want for the Nets, Santa, is a real honest-to-goodness shooter.

In baseball, of course, some of our personal heroes have bitten the dust. Although I never liked Roger Clemens, always having felt that he was under the influence of SOMETHING, having thrown a broken bat at Mike Piazza back in 2000 after already having thrown at his head.  But, even being a Mets fan myself, I was saddened to see that Andy Pettite was also named in George Mitchell's report.  Of course, he does have that strange way of peering over his glove.  I always liked Paulie LoDuca too and wondered that the Mets would trade him, but not so much now, after Thursday’s report.

The Mets could use some middle relief in a big way, Santa.  So while you're making your rounds, if you could stop at Omar Minaya's house and just put a bug in his ear for me, that would be nice.  He seems to be obsessing over starting pitching, catchers, right fielders, everywhere but the real trouble spot.  You know all about the power of suggestion, Santa.  Just remind Omar that, in case Duaner Sanchez never comes back, he’s really got nobody to hand the game over to Billie Wagner.  Two total collapses in a row wouldn’t be good, for him, for Willie, for nobody.

Over in the Bronx, I don’t really care about those guys in stripes.  I figure they can take care of themselves.  Now that’s a team that pulled a great middle reliever out of its hat!  That Joba is really a guy full of fun as well as a sure-fire shut-them-down middle reliever.  It’s a good thing they’re making him a starter.  Whatever you do, though, Santa, I’d certainly appreciate your keeping Johann Santana in that sleigh of yours, especially when coarsing over the Bronx. 

Thanks again, Santa.  Hope to see you next year too.

Save up to 20% on select styles from 12.13-12.16 only at NBAStore.com!